Grief is an ocean of memories

Some days 

I can stand on the sand 

and watch the day begin and end

with a sky of color 

achingly beautiful

and traitorous 

while shallow breath 

makes me feel a thousand things

about still being here

still breathing

still not giving in to the urge 

to dive in 

and never come out –

When the tide is low

and I can sit peacefully 

and watch 

the seabirds ride the air 

it almost feels like joy 

could make its way back

And if I bring myself to the shoreline 

in the dark of night 

in person 

or in dreams

the moon, without express permission

sends the water, 

filled with your voice 

and your smile 

and you’re whole big life

up and over me again

and I have to brace against the pull

of that dark cold sweet nothing 

where we swim together 

in collected moments 

of the life we knew